I am quietly sitting in my kitchen with the windows open on an August morning that is whispering fall.
Lately I find myself sitting in a place of pure beauty and deep sadness. A few things have been a balm to me: slowing stitching and nature. Both have a way of resetting me and filling me with hope for possibility and shifts.
If you have taken any of my online workshops or looked through the pages of my art journals, you know I have a close relationship with loss. I have lost my parents (all three; I had an amazing step dad), a best friend....etc.
And sometimes relationships I have valued have shifted. And I know there are times we lose people we love without death.
Yet a full cup of joy is so easy for me to drink from. So sitting at the table beside me is always JOY. And while loss sits at the table too, it is joy that sits on my lap.
But lately I am feeling a loss of a different kind...the loss of a country...and how I Identified as an American. I was lucky to have a college semester in England at 21. I spent seven weeks in London and while there, made my way to Holland, Scotland, Wales and Ireland. And what I remember vividly is how proud I was to be an American...and how good it felt to be back on American soil.
I just returned from two weeks in France and I felt pure joy being there but I did not feel the pride I typically feel abroad. People approached me with what felt like condolences.
I am back after a summer of teaching, sharing and connecting and trying to get my feet under me again.
I share all this to say...I am probably in the same heart space you are in. You are not alone in how you feel.
This year, I worked on my feeling forward art journal...I taught this as an online class and also in person.
This is the first page of my journal: "My essence of love and strength rises to the occasion".
This thought carries me through these weird and hard times. I show up at protests, I show for strangers, I show up for people I love...and I show up curious and open to have hard conversations with the intent of truly hearing and not trying to change someone's opinion.
I am truly curious and loving. When I know nothing else, I know this for certain.
xo-colleen